Happy blessed 20th birthday JieQi! :D Finally its your turn to hit the big 2 and soon it will be my turn :O OMG WE ARE GROWING UP TOO FAST :( Hehe its so wonderful that your birthday this year falls on a Sunday ;x Hope you celebrated your birthday with him today and enjoyed yourself :) I'm sure you had a lot of birthday wishes today from your friends and you will lots of prezzies from them tmr :P I wish i could wish you as well but i guess i can't since you still blocked me on whatsapp and FB sighpie.. But its okay :) I will just wish you in my heart <3 From the recent photos i saw of you, you seem to be getting prettier hehe :D CHIOBU PATOOTIE ;P Hope you are coping well with your studies right now and not getting too stressed over it :( I just want you to know I am always here for you whenever you need me. I really really hope one day i will be able to see you and talk to you once again and when that day comes i will be the happiest guy in the world :) Anyways i hope you will continue to last long with weicong and hope to see you and him getting married in the future hehe :P Its been like 4 years you've been together with him and i am happy that you guys have managed to go through so much together. You were right, its not worth it to lose someone like him just because of me. I will feel guilty for the rest of my life if that happens. Dont worry, i will find my own happiness one day and I will be fine. I just need to hang on for another year and i'm sure things will get better in uni like you said. Okay i will end it here for now and i just wanna wish a happy birthday once again and i hope you had a great day today :) I will always remember your birthday and shirlene's cause both falls on the 13th hehe. People might say 13 is an unlucky number but to me its such a lucky number :) Goodbye jieqi :) Till we meet again one day...... <3
Sunday 13 November 2016
Thursday 18 August 2016
Just dreamt of JQ again last night. It was a happy one this time, I dreamt that we were both back to being so close with each other, laughing, chatting like there's no tomorrow. I was really really happy at that time and it's a wonderful feeling that i will never get to feel again. When i woke up, i just felt so sad that it was just a dream cause it felt so real. Its so unfair to see guys being able to be close and being good friends with her without even trying and here I am trying my best but i know i will never be good enough to be her friend. 2 years and 3 months have passed since she left but i still miss her all the same, maybe even more. Its so painful to know that you are not even worth anything to anyone. All the people who left can carry on their lives normally without feeling any sadness or regret but here i am facing the full brunt of it. Am i really so worthless?
Friday 23 January 2015
Exactly 1 more week to the guitar BBQ and meeting the one and only TJQ <3 Hehe! Can't wait for it although I know I'm gonna get hurt on that day. Seeing all the guys being able to talk to her while I just stand on one side looking and envying them. Not being able to do anything is going to hurt really bad. Even if I want to try talking to her, I can't cause her bodyguard is coming :( So yeah.. But I am still looking forward to the BBQ as seeing her already makes me happy! :D I miss her so so much and I haven't seen her for so long :(
Thursday 1 January 2015
Out with the old, in with the new
Today is 31/12/2014 and its the last day of the year and I'm here to share my thoughts and feelings for the year. This year was a roller coaster ride with so many things happening be it good or bad.
Now I'm gonna dedicate a few posts to a few people that really played an important part of my life this year.
Priscilla: I just wanna thank you so much for being my close friend and being my only close friend who still stick by my side all the way up till now. I'm really grateful to have you as a friend and I'm sorry if i have done anything to hurt you. At the start of the year, we got really close together and I started to have feelings for you. You seem to reciprocate it so I thought I stood a chance to be with you and so I decided to confess. When you rejected, I was upset. I really wanted to be with you at that time and I really hoped you'll give me a chance. But you rejected and I felt upset and disappointed. You said you treated me like a substitute to your ex and I felt slightly angry cause you led me on and you sent my hopes crushing. It ain't nice to do that you know? :( But now when i look back, I also realised i treated you like a substitute too. You were a substitute to Jieqi and i failed to realised it. Thankfully you didn't accept me or I'll be hurting you. Actually, we'll both be hurting each other. It made me believe the quote "Every cloud has a silver lining" even more. And after that we stopped contacting each other already. Until 1 month before A's, you texted me during Hari Raya to seek forgiveness for everything you've done. I take it that you're talking about the rejection. It's okay haha. Like I said, it would be better for us not to be together. Even if we didn't treat each other like substitutes. I will not be good enough for you. You'll eventually leave me for someone better :) So yeah. Don't feel bad about it. We chatted and you told me you just had a breakup. I was shocked. I didn't even know you were attached in the first place. What's more shocking is knowing your ex's identity. Who would have thought it would be my very own best friend? I felt so dumb not knowing about your relationship with him. Both of you are close to me and I didn't even know. I don't know whether to accept or condone what he did. Cause i might have done the same if i was him. It's hard keeping a long distance relationship going especially since you going uni. He's probably scared that you will like uni guys and leave him. The truth is you like Yifong now don't you? Maybe you can argue that it's because you're not attached with him anymore so you can now like another guy. But who knows? Maybe even if you're still attached with him, you'll still like him. You never know. I seem like I'm talking bad about you and defending him instead but I'm not. I'm just saying maybe. And I'm not defending him. I'm just stating what i feel. On the other hand, I really agree with what he did cause it isn't nice to leave someone just like that after all the times you guys have been through together whether good or bad. I hope you'll be able to move on in this new year and stay happy :) Don't give up on all guys just because of him. I'm sure you will find someone that will treasure you and make you feel special. And that guy will stay for the rest of your life. I wish you all the best for next year be it in your studies or in finding the special one haha. Before I end this post, I just wanna say sorry for everything I've done in 2014 that has made you sad or upset. Sorry for pushing you away sometimes when I am feeling down. I'm just afraid that I'll expect too much from you and have my expectations crushed. And about the question on whether i still have feelings for you, I don't have any more feelings for you i think. Haha i shall end off this post with a quote; "Expectation is the root of all heartache" - William Shakespeare
Shirlene: Hey, it's the last day of the year and I just wanna thank you so much for everything you've done for me this year. Haha all those little things like staying back with me to study till night means a lot to me :) You're a really great friend. And what makes it more wonderful is that you became more than a friend, you became my daughter :D Haha! My first ever daughter and I got a short and cute one heh!! :) Who would have ever thought we would be this close from the moment you stepped into PD 31 haha! I was quite afraid to teach you at first cause I suck at guitar and you'll probably judge me :( But you didn't haha! And from then on I called you Westspring girl heh! ^^ Haha after that day, every guitar practice onwards, I look forward to seeing you haha! Omg can't believe I'm saying this! Each practice was fun teasing you about giraffe and your height and everything :) Thanks for making guitar practice more enjoyable haha. It was nice to have my own daughter playing in the same section as me :D Then PAC came and it was our one and only concert together :( Haha! PAC was a blast and I had a lot of fun! And we finally took a photo together and that was to be our only photo together :( After PAC ended, I stepped down soon after. And when you told me you were applying for exco, I was so excited! Haha and you got the pres position :D Pres shirlene FTW! I know the ensemble will be in good care under your leadership :) Soon after I stepped down, Jieqi left me. You were there to listen and make me feel better :) Although I ignored your advice, I know you wanted the best for me and had my interests at heart. Thanks so much :) You were the only one who cared so much about me at that point of time when i was hurting. I still remembered once when i was upset and i was walking around the school and you followed me. You even told Daph that i was crying. Thanks for caring :) Sorry for making you stay back even though you were sick that day >< The next thing that happened was your breakup with giraffe. It was so sudden. I didn't expect it at all. Both of you were doing fine and the next thing you told me was both of you are not together anymore. I was angry at him for doing this to you. HOW CAN FEELINGS POSSIBLY FADE... Unless he has found a new girl of course and that was the case. That bastard. Hope he won't last long if he were to be with the girl. But at least he told you early bah. Rather than two timing you, it's better that he made it clear right from the start. Sorry I didn't do much to help you.. I really didn't know how :( You did a lot for me in overcoming Jieqi but I didn't do much to help you get over him. Sorry :( After that, we seem to get further and further away from each other. No more late night study. We didn't talk much either compared to last time. You were always busy :( On one hand, I can understand cause you have your duties as a pres and also promos. But somehow I feel that it's not that simple. As the saying goes, "No matter how busy a person is, if they really care, they will make time for you." I don't expect you to stay back with me everyday. I just want you to make an effort.. A little bit will do :( But it's okay bah. What's past is past. I don't blame you haha. Cause I know I can be annoying and irritating sometimes and studying with me is not productive. Haha but you let me send you to school yayy :D Even though you seem unwilling, I'm still thankful that you didn't make me stop :) Although the trip is short and waiting for you can be long and tiring, it's worth it to see my daughter every morning ^^ Haha but each day, we still grew further apart..
Now I'm gonna dedicate a few posts to a few people that really played an important part of my life this year.
Priscilla: I just wanna thank you so much for being my close friend and being my only close friend who still stick by my side all the way up till now. I'm really grateful to have you as a friend and I'm sorry if i have done anything to hurt you. At the start of the year, we got really close together and I started to have feelings for you. You seem to reciprocate it so I thought I stood a chance to be with you and so I decided to confess. When you rejected, I was upset. I really wanted to be with you at that time and I really hoped you'll give me a chance. But you rejected and I felt upset and disappointed. You said you treated me like a substitute to your ex and I felt slightly angry cause you led me on and you sent my hopes crushing. It ain't nice to do that you know? :( But now when i look back, I also realised i treated you like a substitute too. You were a substitute to Jieqi and i failed to realised it. Thankfully you didn't accept me or I'll be hurting you. Actually, we'll both be hurting each other. It made me believe the quote "Every cloud has a silver lining" even more. And after that we stopped contacting each other already. Until 1 month before A's, you texted me during Hari Raya to seek forgiveness for everything you've done. I take it that you're talking about the rejection. It's okay haha. Like I said, it would be better for us not to be together. Even if we didn't treat each other like substitutes. I will not be good enough for you. You'll eventually leave me for someone better :) So yeah. Don't feel bad about it. We chatted and you told me you just had a breakup. I was shocked. I didn't even know you were attached in the first place. What's more shocking is knowing your ex's identity. Who would have thought it would be my very own best friend? I felt so dumb not knowing about your relationship with him. Both of you are close to me and I didn't even know. I don't know whether to accept or condone what he did. Cause i might have done the same if i was him. It's hard keeping a long distance relationship going especially since you going uni. He's probably scared that you will like uni guys and leave him. The truth is you like Yifong now don't you? Maybe you can argue that it's because you're not attached with him anymore so you can now like another guy. But who knows? Maybe even if you're still attached with him, you'll still like him. You never know. I seem like I'm talking bad about you and defending him instead but I'm not. I'm just saying maybe. And I'm not defending him. I'm just stating what i feel. On the other hand, I really agree with what he did cause it isn't nice to leave someone just like that after all the times you guys have been through together whether good or bad. I hope you'll be able to move on in this new year and stay happy :) Don't give up on all guys just because of him. I'm sure you will find someone that will treasure you and make you feel special. And that guy will stay for the rest of your life. I wish you all the best for next year be it in your studies or in finding the special one haha. Before I end this post, I just wanna say sorry for everything I've done in 2014 that has made you sad or upset. Sorry for pushing you away sometimes when I am feeling down. I'm just afraid that I'll expect too much from you and have my expectations crushed. And about the question on whether i still have feelings for you, I don't have any more feelings for you i think. Haha i shall end off this post with a quote; "Expectation is the root of all heartache" - William Shakespeare
Shirlene: Hey, it's the last day of the year and I just wanna thank you so much for everything you've done for me this year. Haha all those little things like staying back with me to study till night means a lot to me :) You're a really great friend. And what makes it more wonderful is that you became more than a friend, you became my daughter :D Haha! My first ever daughter and I got a short and cute one heh!! :) Who would have ever thought we would be this close from the moment you stepped into PD 31 haha! I was quite afraid to teach you at first cause I suck at guitar and you'll probably judge me :( But you didn't haha! And from then on I called you Westspring girl heh! ^^ Haha after that day, every guitar practice onwards, I look forward to seeing you haha! Omg can't believe I'm saying this! Each practice was fun teasing you about giraffe and your height and everything :) Thanks for making guitar practice more enjoyable haha. It was nice to have my own daughter playing in the same section as me :D Then PAC came and it was our one and only concert together :( Haha! PAC was a blast and I had a lot of fun! And we finally took a photo together and that was to be our only photo together :( After PAC ended, I stepped down soon after. And when you told me you were applying for exco, I was so excited! Haha and you got the pres position :D Pres shirlene FTW! I know the ensemble will be in good care under your leadership :) Soon after I stepped down, Jieqi left me. You were there to listen and make me feel better :) Although I ignored your advice, I know you wanted the best for me and had my interests at heart. Thanks so much :) You were the only one who cared so much about me at that point of time when i was hurting. I still remembered once when i was upset and i was walking around the school and you followed me. You even told Daph that i was crying. Thanks for caring :) Sorry for making you stay back even though you were sick that day >< The next thing that happened was your breakup with giraffe. It was so sudden. I didn't expect it at all. Both of you were doing fine and the next thing you told me was both of you are not together anymore. I was angry at him for doing this to you. HOW CAN FEELINGS POSSIBLY FADE... Unless he has found a new girl of course and that was the case. That bastard. Hope he won't last long if he were to be with the girl. But at least he told you early bah. Rather than two timing you, it's better that he made it clear right from the start. Sorry I didn't do much to help you.. I really didn't know how :( You did a lot for me in overcoming Jieqi but I didn't do much to help you get over him. Sorry :( After that, we seem to get further and further away from each other. No more late night study. We didn't talk much either compared to last time. You were always busy :( On one hand, I can understand cause you have your duties as a pres and also promos. But somehow I feel that it's not that simple. As the saying goes, "No matter how busy a person is, if they really care, they will make time for you." I don't expect you to stay back with me everyday. I just want you to make an effort.. A little bit will do :( But it's okay bah. What's past is past. I don't blame you haha. Cause I know I can be annoying and irritating sometimes and studying with me is not productive. Haha but you let me send you to school yayy :D Even though you seem unwilling, I'm still thankful that you didn't make me stop :) Although the trip is short and waiting for you can be long and tiring, it's worth it to see my daughter every morning ^^ Haha but each day, we still grew further apart..
Tuesday 3 June 2014
I'm sorry daughter.. Sorry for treating you this way. It hurts having someone close to you leaving you just like that and I don't wanna go through it anymore. Leaving you is the only option before you do the same to me. I know you won't choose to leave me but we won't know what the future holds for us. You don't need me anyways, you have your friends and giraffe. Sorry for doing this to you. Doing this hurts me more than it hurts you. Sorry for not being a daddy that's good enough. Goodbye..
Sunday 8 September 2013
I'm sorry
I miss you. I miss going out with you. I miss those times when we went out together and had so much fun. I just wished time could rewind and I could relive those wonderful moments. But that's all in the past. Now, I'll never get the chance to do that anymore. Even if one day you decided to go out with me, I can truthfully say that I'm not sure where to go and whether I can make it an enjoyable day for you. I'm sorry. I guess I'm just not good enough for you </3
Monday 8 July 2013
Will we ever meet again?
I miss you so badly. I hope you are doing fine right now. I really want to see you but even if I manage to, I guess you will just ignore me. Even though you're far away from me right now, you will always be here in my heart. June holidays are already over and the September holidays is too short and you will probably be busy studying for promos. I'm only left with the year-end holidays to be able to meet you. As every day pass by, you are getting further and further away from me. I'm just worried that if I wait until the end of the year, it will be too late. But what can I do now? You won't even reply my messages. There's nothing I can do now except hope that it's not too late. Please wait for me....
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